Domestic Violence
In the early 1990’s ,Garth Brooks, most notably composed a powerful song and adjacent music video called “Thunder Rolled” grappling with the subject of Domestic Violence — several years later as did fellow Country singer and luminary Martina McBride known as “Independence Day.”
Trigger Warning for both videos
The subject of Domestic Violence has always been taboo despite the fact more Women have been murdered as a result of Domestic Violence than all the lives taken in all the wars in the last century. This is especially true of minority and marginalized Women. In fact more Girls and Women from ages 15 to 45 have been discriminated to death than all the lives lost in the past half century of wars.
The stats are staggering 1 in 3 Women of color will encounter Domestic Violence. Indigenous Girls and Women are 10 times higher than the national average to encounter this along with every other form of violence there is thus making us the number 1 group to encounter and thus lose our lives to it. Not far behind is Black American, Hispanic, and Polynesian that stand at 3 times the national average. As where the stats show roughly between 1 in 4 to 1 in 5 white Women will also encounter this type of violence.
It is to be mentioned according to the ,Office of Crimes and Victims, those of us who identify as Multi ethnic also encounter a high number of Intimate Partner violence.
It is often quite easy for the general public uneducated to the said abuse to pose questions such as
“Why not just leave?”
“Why not get a restraining order?”
“Why not press charges?”
“Why not fight back?”
It is safe to say if those who ask such ridiculous questions have never been in that situation they could never understand without proper awareness. First do many know how difficult it is to leave a violent volatile circumstance? That is often when survivors are at the most vulnerable for one, for 2 that is when many are killed by their abuser. It’s like hitting a hot button on an abuser of “Oh you’re going to leave me? Who do you think you are? I control you and I say when you can leave and how.”
As for Restraining Orders, many of professionals that handle Domestic Violence, Stalking, so on so forth will tell anyone Restraining orders are a hot button for already violent abusers. That piece of paper doesn’t mean anything to a batterer, it has also been statistically proven. For a perpetrator it’s taking their sense of power and control away over the individual they battered so how does one think they are going to react when issued a court order? Typically violently out of revenge. Criminal charges it is the same response most often, What does one think an abuser is going to do as soon as they’re let out on bail? They’re going to seek to put the subject of battery back “In line” or as many an abuser has put it to some capacity or another “You better be long gone when I get let out.”
Fighting back… another way Girls and Women lose our lives. Let’s look at the logic. You as a Girl or Woman are often fighting back against someone that can and often has put that Girl/Woman in the hospital, they’re physically larger built, taller, physically stronger (it’s a scientific fact males typically have more upper body strength than Women by genetics, Women have the majority of physical strength in our legs.) Now let us look at the unjust legal aspect, many a young Girl and Woman who fought back and thus killed their abuser in self defense found themselves in prison on murder charges rather than treated like survivors. The docuseries “A Path Appears” posted above outlined this fact. All of those facts aside let’s say a Girl or Woman does fight back and does get away, the question should be do you really think a violent abuser is going to let that slide so easily? Answer is no, they’ll want full retaliation for the “humiliation” the victimized has “put them through” because like any akin offender that is how they see it. Abusers almost always see it as they’re the “victim” while the truly victimized are the offenders …somehow. It’s the same consensus that child predators, rapists, human traffickers, stalkers, or just garden variety bullies harbor. Everyone else is always the batterer in any definition of that spectrum, they themselves are never the issue.
Upon initially getting out my ordeal of violence the attorney who worked on my case at the time actually preferred I file a Domestic Violence Restraining Order as well as charges albeit the circumstance was certainly exploitation based however the legal criteria at the time particularly fell under Domestic Violence laws. There were several aspects as to why I didn’t file and thus the Judge who ruled in the case placed a generalized protective order in place on my behalf. For 1 I was fresh out of that situation. I was very young had already been literally terrorized and abused by a honestly said monster 30 years my senior and over a foot taller than me therefore having dealt with them in that way I knew it was going to really piss them off. Of course the Judge’s concluding order did just that anyway hence how they became my vengeful predatory driven stalker for a decade. The other reason why I didn’t file, aside from I just wanted it to be over I was more concerned of just getting out of it in one piece. This was especially true when he sent 2 literal young thugs to my door late one night while the court proceedings were on going.
Looking back now I wish I would’ve because either way they sought vengeance everyday in any way possible. The point is to conclude this post why the framework for survivors of any type of such violence does not grant smooth access out let alone adequate access to justice.
Tyler Perry’s 2006 film “Madea’s Family Reunion” portrayed the dynamic of trying to leave and or cut off all contact with an abuser pretty well.
Also a great cover of the original “Thunder Rolled” I’d like to applaud.
